• erikaraskin

Dark Web Shopping Sprees

Updated: Dec 23, 2020

Keith and I binged Better Call Saul (finding out how S. Goodman got his name is worth the time investment alone--hit me up if you don't want to put it in) but then without even tacit approval, my spouse slid us back into rewatching all 4 million hours of Breaking Bad. My eyes hurt. The meth heads began squatting in my own. But we finished and it was even better this time. Truly though, has there ever been a more heinous collection of characters? Also, can I just say I have a great deal of Jewish grandmother concern for the mini-actress who played Baby Holly. Has anybody checked on her recently? The infant looked traumatized in virtually every scene.


In other bingeing news, we have spent the waning days of 2020 purchasing online. Keith clicking 'buy now' between seriously important meetings having to do with teaching med students, me between TV shows. I've been so committed to the activity that for the first time ever I've even memorized the 3 digit security codes on two different cards. Which, given the general decline in my short-term whats-it-called, is no small feat.


However, my trust in long-distance commerce has been seriously shaken.


First, online purchases during my short-lived Quarantine Victory Garden Phase somehow put me on a list to receive unsolicited seeds from China. If I didn't have a black thumb it's entirely possible that I could have grown my own backyard spy satellite.





Then Keith presented me with a self-heating (?) article of clothing, also Chinese, that looks suspiciously like a suicide vest, complete with a mysterious wire coming from an internal pocket. I'm sure the untranslated instructions might have explained how it was supposed to work. Anyway, I tried it on (to be polite) and the zipper broke trapping me inside, causing a minor (major) attack of claustrophobia. Also, the material was the tactile equivalent of a thumbnail scraping across a blackboard. The thought was nice, though.


I think.




Then, because we have massive outdoor winter gatherings (of the family), Keith ordered from Amazon a propane heater for porch entertaining. The first time he powered it up (or whatever one does) it made helicopter noises finishing in a huge bang. We all looked on in wonder as we simultaneously realized that it could have blown up the house. (Speaking of Breaking Bad). We sent it back. I forgot to include the handle which they are welcome to come get.




Then I purchased from ebay (congratulating myself on the acceptance of my low-bid Or Best Offer) a vintage lead cast motorcycle for my son-in-law's collection. This particular s-i-l actually works in a motorcycle mechanics shop. He looks the part, burly, handsome, and heavily tattooed.


Here is what came:





He can start a charm bracelet.


I'm going back to non-stop TV watching. Any recommendations?



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